The Perception of Working Mothers and Daycare

It's a common notion that many mothers feel guilty about leaving their child at daycare and going to work. This feeling of guilt is often accompanied by the belief that the child will be happier and better off if the mother stays home. However, the perspective of those left behind, in this case, me, offers a unique insight into the situation. I was born in 1971, and my brother in 1973. Our experience reflects a previous era when the concept of full-day daycare for primary school children was relatively nonexistent, and after-school clubs were only available in secondary schools.

The Context of the Working Mother

My mother, being a working mother, had to navigate a challenging situation in the 1970s. She went back to work and hired au pairs. An au pair, for those who are unfamiliar, is a young woman who comes to a host family not only to provide childcare but also to improve her English by living and studying in the host family's home.

During this period, it was somewhat unusual for women to work, especially if they had children. My next-door neighbors were stay-at-home mothers, as were most of the mothers I knew. There was a general societal expectation that mothers should stay home and take care of the household and their children. However, there were instances of gossip and criticism, often based on misunderstandings or simply due to the societal pressures of the time.

The Reality of Working Mothers

For my mother, working was a necessity. She returned to work to avoid financial difficulties, including the threat of bailiffs. As a software engineer, she was working in a predominantly male field and was likely influenced by feminist attitudes without even realizing it. From my perspective as a child, being at home all day was far more boring than the limited television channels and the drab daytime programming.

The Positive Impact of Working Mothers

Looking back with an adult perspective, I have no complaints about my mother’s choice. Both my parents spent quality time with us after school, at weekends, and during holidays. We participated in extracurricular activities through school and outside of it. When my brother started secondary school, we no longer had au pairs, and we learned to take care of ourselves after school, waiting for our parents to come home for dinner, and both of them were actively involved in household chores.

We grew up to be confident adults capable of running a home and managing our lives. The only exception was when I was out of work and job searching. My brother, who has a son and is a stay-at-home dad, has instilled in his son the same values of cooperation and teamwork, reflecting the benefits of a dual-career family. His son is a happy, healthy, and well-adjusted child, exhibiting both intelligence and the ability to be independent.

The Effect of Guilt on Parenting

The guilt that working mothers can experience can sometimes detract from the positive impact of their work. However, for some, like my mother, work played a crucial role in ensuring the family's security and provided them with valuable experiences and opportunities. It is important to recognize that every family's situation is unique, and what works for one might not work for another.

Conclusion

In conclusion, while the guilt of leaving a child at daycare can be substantial, it is important to consider the broader context and the long-term benefits for both the child and the mother. The example of my family shows that with the right balance and support, working can lead to a well-adjusted, confident child and a balanced, thriving family.