Reflections on Parenting My Children into Adulthood

The journey of raising children is often filled with challenges and lessons, and as they grow and leave the nest, the reflections on our parenting can be both sweet and painful. Looking back, there are several things I would have done differently, but ultimately I still wouldn't change the overall experience.

Would I Choose to Be a Parent Again?

Initially, I didn't realize the journey would play out this way. I didn't plan to have children, and while I didn't undergo sterilization, I wasn't consistently taking birth control pills, which led to my unplanned parenthood. This unexpected turn of events resulted in a mental health crisis that took two years to recover from. Additionally, this period ended my best relationship, which was a loss that resonated deeply.

However, now with the wisdom of hindsight, I wouldn't choose to undo that journey. Although raising children does mean giving up certain things, including the easy moments of hugs and kisses, it's important to recognize that kids need their parents' guidance well into their adulthood. They may not always need specific instructions, but they benefit from a parent's continuous support and availability.

Parenting Styles and Their Affects

Reflecting on my parenting experiences, I've found that there's no one-size-fits-all approach. I was stern with my older children, setting very high expectations and demanding perfection, which was undoubtedly challenging for them. Conversely, with my younger children, I allowed for too much freedom, which, in hindsight, led to some entitlement issues. While all my children turned out to be good people, the lack of balance in discipline sometimes manifested in undesirable behaviors.

It's important to strike a balance between being loving and providing appropriate discipline. A balanced approach can help children develop a healthy perspective on life and their role within it.

Lessons Learned

There are several lessons I've learned that I wish I had applied earlier:

Age-appropriate Chores: Starting from a young age and gradually increasing the responsibility as the children grow older can instill a sense of accountability and responsibility. Video Game Usage: Setting strict limits on video game playtime can help prevent addiction and promote more balanced lifestyles. Eating Habits: Teaching good eating habits and encouraging home-cooked meals with a variety of vegetables and fruits can help foster a healthy relationship with food. Money Management: Encouraging children to save for special purchases builds financial responsibility and independence. Christmas Guidelines: Guidelines like the one suggesting one thing they want, one thing they need, something to wear, something to read, and something to teach can help prevent overindulgence.

The Importance of Unconditional Love

At the heart of it all, unconditional love remains the most important lesson. I never wavered in my commitment to providing love and acceptance to my children, and this has been the most valuable gift I could give them.

Lastly, it's worth noting that while my children are now in their 30s, they still struggle with the consequences of my more lenient parenting. This taught me that sometimes, a little less love and freedom in the formative years can lead to stronger independence and resilience in adulthood.

While I wouldn't change the unconditional love and acceptance I gave my children, there are still areas where I wish I had made different choices. As parents, we are always striving to be better in our approach. These reflections offer a chance for growth and a more balanced path for future generations.