Unveiling the Lies Parents Tell Their Children

As we grow up, we often assume that our parents are always truthful and sincere. However, many of us have discovered that the stories and promises they tell us—whether to get us to comply with certain behaviors or simply to maintain order—are not always as genuine as they seem. These tales can range from fantastical ideas like the tooth fairy and Santa Claus to more complex familial truths.

Common Lies for Childhood Behaviors

One of the most common lies parents tell to encourage positive behavior is related to academic success. They often say, “If you get good grades, you can have any job you desire and live anywhere you choose.” This can put immense pressure on children, and a vast number of them internalize this message, striving to meet this unrealistic bar. As a result, this interpersonal manipulation can impact one's self-esteem and career choices throughout their life.

Fewer Lies from a Sassier Dad

Some lies are more subtle and can be more emotional. For instance, during my childhood, my father claimed to have been a conscientious objector during WWII. He was, in fact, a year younger and used a different birthdate to avoid conscription. This was one of the biggest lies he told me. It wasn't just my father; various family members have used similar lies or chaining stories to manipulate or control me. They believed their lies were harmless and that they would only benefit me. However, as I will explain, some of these were more harmful than the person telling them thought.

Protecting Children from Harm with Truth

It is important to note that many of these lies are inadvertently harmful. For example, one of the biggest lies my parents ever told me was about elves. They used to say that if I woke them up before 9 a.m. on Christmas morning, Santa would take away all my presents. Actually, they did this to ensure they could sleep in before the Christmas chaos began. This lie was not necessarily harmful, as it was their behavior, not their lie, that impacted me. However, the experience of being lied to about the existence of Santa can be deeply emotional and can stay with a child for a long time.

Setting an Example with Honesty

Mrs. Warren, my adoptive father, and I have never lied to each other. I was adopted, and they told me so. They also shared who my biological parents were and granted me permission to visit them if I wished. I respected their honest and moral decision. Unfortunately, not all parents are so forthright. In my own family, stories and deceptions were often used to control my siblings and me, and the damage some of these lies have caused has been profound.

Tragic Stories: The Cat's Journey

One of the most painful lies my father told me involved a cat named Puss’n Boots, a brown tabby with beautiful trusting eyes. I fed her canned tuna and named her after cat food. She became pregnant and we snuck her inside our home when no one was around. She had her kittens, and my father found them, took them to a pet store, and paid for them to be taken in. She was pregnant again, and this time her kittens were born in a neighbor's garage. This went on for a while until one day, my father unknowingly killed the kittens when he turned on the car engine. I had never seen Puss’n Boots again and mourned her loss for years, until I discovered the truth. My father and the neighbor had trapped the cat and driven her away, an act that was traumatic for me and lifelong.

The Power of Truth Over Deception

It is crucial for parents to avoid lying to their children, whether it is about fantastical elements or more significant issues. While I didn't know I was adopted, she still told me. It was a pivotal moment when she revealed that Puss’n Boots had been lied to, as I had been. I had to come to grips with my anger and hurt. This experience taught me that a child's well-being is the true priority and that honesty is the best policy, no matter how difficult the truth might be. Whether it's steering clear of Santa myths, maintaining honest familial relationships, or ensuring the safety and care of pets, children's trust and emotional stability should be protected by truthful parenting.