What Kind of Pet Would Donald Trump Choose?
Imagine a world where potential pet owners are required to undergo intensive psychological profiling and compatibility assessments before being allowed to adopt a pet. In this hypothetical scenario, Donald Trump would likely find himself wholly unsuitable for pet ownership and would be struck from the list of eligible pet owners. However, if he were forced to have a pet, what kind of animal would he choose?
Plastic Puppy from Dollar Tree
Why a Plastic Puppy? A more realistic option, considering his temperament, would be a plastic puppy from a Dollar Tree. This toy would be a cost-effective and risk-free solution. There would be no trauma from being screamed at all day and no arbitrary euthanasia for accidentally peeing on the carpet during a moment of 'clown-faced, unhinged screeching.' Both the pet and its owner would win in this scenario.
Shr?dinger's Cat
The Paradoxical Breed: Another unconventional choice would be Shr?dinger's cat, a paradoxical breed that symbolizes a simultaneous state of being alive and dead. This cat breed would be perfect for a man who is half-alive in the world of fame and fortune, yet half-dead in the emotional sense. However, critics argue that Shr?dinger's cats can be overly narcissistic, demanding a lot of adoration and loyalty, and they often yowl day and night for no apparent reason.
Pole-cat (Ferret)
A Legal Grab: Trump's bizarre personality might lead him to choose a pole-cat. He'd believe that a pole-cat could perform pole dancing tricks for him. At least, it would be a 'pussy' he could legally grab, showing a mix of his fascination with female sexuality and legal constraints. However, the practicality of a pole-cat acting as a pet is questionable.
No Pet
No Pet Is Ideal: Some argue that he should never get a pet at all. If he does, he would yell and scream at it. Pet owners generally cower and hide when yelled at, and the pet would become frightened. Truly, such treatment would be considered animal abuse. Trump's violent tendencies, including kicking, shoving, and hitting, suggest he would not be a suitable owner.
Red Fox on His Head
His Familiar Companion: It’s interesting to note that the real-life presence of a red fox on his head comforts Trump, possibly due to their mutual familiarity. In this hypothetical scenario, he might choose a red fox for a natural and familiar companion. However, even in the wild, foxes are not typically suitable as household pets.
Golden Retriever
Golden Retrievers: If Trump were to actually get a domesticated pet, he might choose a golden retriever. Their loyalty is well-known, and this breed would likely appeal to his ego and desire for a loyal companion. Golden retrievers are known for their friendly nature and make excellent family pets, which fits with his public image as a family-friendly figure.
Wild Animals
Endangered Species: In a more grandiose and controversial scenario, someone might suggest that Trump should go for a wild animal, such as a lion, tiger, or polar bear. These animals would suit his need for something big, showy, and associated with high status and money. However, he would likely only keep such an animal for photo ops and would pay someone else to manage and care for it.
Conclusion: Whether a plastic puppy, a Shr?dinger's cat, a pole-cat, or a red fox, Donald Trump's choice of pet would be unconventional and reflect his peculiar personality. The most realistic and practical choice, considering his temperament and potential for abuse, would be a golden retriever, but even considering his wild side, he might end up with a wild animal for mere photo opportunities.